Wake up and smell the coffee!
Wake up and smell the coffee is an expression we use when we are telling someone, figuratively speaking of course, that they are delusional!
For example, on a monthly basis my little brother says to me:
Janette, wake up and smell the coffee:
- Wine is not a health substitute for water!
- You are never ever going to get married to George Clooney or David Beckham and your latest addiction to Adam Levine is just pathetic!
- Frying an egg is neither rocket science nor neurophysics!
And I respond with great intellectual dexterity by saying:
‘’Shut up, you loser!’’
Get over a cold with an Irish coffee!
It is said that one of the most effective ways to get over a cold is to drink some hot lemon and overdose on oranges.
I say, forget that ‘health-freak’ method and make an Irish coffee. It’s the perfect remedy because all you really need is some good quality whiskey. Furthermore, if you have run out of coffee, brown sugar and whipped cream, don’t panic, just add more whiskey and perhaps some Baileys Irish Cream! Finally, if you don’t know how to make an Irish coffee, check out this recipe video and learn about the origins of this winter cocktail at the same time.
Social Events: Speed Dating with Inglés Málaga
It has recently been suggested to me that life is a series of random moments and that for a variety of inexplicable reasons the sum of our existence only comes down to luck and chance. Indeed, the brilliant scientist, Stephen Hawking, said: “The universe is just a great casino, where dice are thrown, and roulette wheels spun”. Well, despite the fact that it might be fashionable to believe this, and I’m sure there is some element of truth to it, it seems to me that this is a very lazy and passive way to look at life. I say: ”NO; take control, ‘coge los cojones’ and be responsible for your own destiny”.
With both viewpoints in mind, let’s think about the popular and well-known social event, speed dating, whereby you have three minutes to ask a bunch of questions to a bunch of people so as to make a decision on whether you want to hook up with them again. Is this situation random? Is it the luck of the draw who you meet? Well, perhaps it is, but it isn’t down to luck who you take home.
Obviously, it goes without saying that you might end up with ‘dead wood’ if you ask any of the following questions:
- If you had to be an animal, would you be an ant or an anteater?
- Do you think it’s better to have two legs with four webbed feet, or to have four legs with two webbed feet?
- It is said that if you have a smart phone, then you are only as smart as your phone. Would you agree?
- According to the popular film character Forest Gump, ‘life is a like a box of chocolates’. So, are you a strawberry delight, or a chocolate toffee finger?
However, if, like me, you think that the three most important things in life are money, sex and power, it’s obvious that you only need to ask three questions to find your perfect match. So, in light of this, and being in charge of my life, if I went to a speed dating event, I would ask the following:
- How much do you earn?
- What is your shoe size?
- I know your name is Pepé de Ronda, but would you mind it if I called you George Clooney?
So, if you went speed dating, what three questions would you ask? And, if you want to take part in an Inglés Málaga speed dating event, then email me for more information. Janette O’Carroll at:Janetteocarroll@gmail.com
And finally, last but not least, is life just a series of random events and moments, or, do you already know that you’re a coconut éclair?
Social Events: Wine Tasting
If you are keen on drinking wine, then I’m sure you have been to lots of wine tasting events. Indeed, this is one of the things I did to celebrate my last birthday at a relatively new vineyard in Ronda.
According to experts, you should do this: ‘See, Sniff, Sip, Summarise’. Unfortunately, as most of the wines were undrinkable, I did this: Sniff, Drink, Swallow, Spit, Wipe my tongue. Having said that, it was definitely worth the money as my mate, who could drink paint thinner if it were poured into a wine glass, drank full glasses of all the 9 varieties we tried.
So, if drinking wine is up your street, then if I were in your shoes, I would definitely go to one of these events as it’s a great way to meet new people, get to know about the process of wine making and laugh your pants off at the different reactions people have when they taste the same flavours. As I said, my face looked like I was sucking an acidic lemon for at least 2 hours, while my friend looked as if he was on cloud 9.
Finally, if you want to look like a pro when you’re tasting wine, watch this short video and improve your English at the same time.
To be on the wagon
Britain doesn’t make great wine but..
So, if you have a glass of wine this weekend, don’t forget to say one of the following salutations:
- Bottoms up!
- Down the the hatch!
- Sláinte or Slancha!
- Open the other bottle!
- Good health!
Right, I can’t think of anymore, can you?
However,writing this post has reminded me of the wonderful Spanish tradition where you have to look in the eyes of the person and salute them at the same time. We British people, seriously don’t care as long as we have something alcoholic in our glasses. I know, how very rude! VIVA ESPAÑA!!
British Food: The Full English
A traditional Full English breakfast includes bacon, poached or fried eggs, fried or grilled tomatoes, fried mushrooms, fried bread or toast with butter, sausages and baked beans, usually served with a mug of tea. As nearly everything is fried in this meal, it is commonly called a “fry-up” or in my book, it’s called a myocardial infarction, commonly known as a HEART ATTACK.
British Food: Fancy a cuppa?
Yes, it’s true, the whole world thinks that British people drink tea, and despite the fact that I’m hooked on drinking coffee, I have to admit that we are bonkers about tea.
In fact, in a recent TV documentary it was reported that the average British tea drinker will consume 74, 802 cups of tea in their lifetime. In addition, the report also states that although there are 100’s of different blends and brands of tea, as a no-nonsense nation, we generally prefer black tea with milk. Posh people sometimes drink it with lemon, but that’s just ridiculous! Furthermore, if you’re from the north of England you are bound to be drinking the brands, Yorkshire tea or PG Tips. If you want to read more about what the British comsume in an average lifetime, then click here.
Recently I’ve tried to drink more flavoured teas, like lemon and ginger or peppermint because I’ve heard they are good for your health and although I don’t doubt their medicinal powers, I’d rather have a vodka and cranberry juice. Come on, who wouldn’t?! And, cranberry is supposedly a SUPERFOOD. So, all’s good!
Warning: the effects of alcohol can cause unusual behaviour!
Málaga’s August summer fare is all about painting the town red; yes the main objective is to have fun. It’s a time to meet up with friends, make new friends, dance, eat and obviously drink cartojal, ( well not for me as I can’t stand sweet wine) In addition, it’s the time to laugh your pants off at the effects of alcohol.
There are usually 4 categories of behaviour: (British people excluded as we usually just want to hit other people).
- Drunk person thinks they are invincible and pretends to have the superhuman power of flight
- Drunk person becomes amorous and affectionate. They start to say: ‘I love you’ to everyone and everything, including tables and chairs.
- Drunk person, all of a sudden, falls down and then as quickly falls asleep
- Drunk person becomes philosophical and starts incoherently blabbing on about the meaning of life.
So, when you’ve had a few too many alcoholic drinks, what are you like? Do you get superhuman powers, do you fall in love, fall asleep or do you become a walking, talking book of philosophy? Unfortunately for my friends, I am prone to do all 4 simultaneously!
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