Modal Mania: Janette it is prohibited: You are not allowed to..

No peekingIn my family we have a lot of Christmas traditions and customs, for example:

  1. We can’t open our presents until after lunch on Christmas Day. In fact, we are allowed to look at them, but we can’t touch, shake, smell or lick them
  2. Nobody is allowed to spend more than £30 on a single present
  3. My mother will not let us watch TV
  4. Nobody is allowed to blow out the Christmas candle that burns in our home for the 12 nights leading up to Christmas Day
  5. Nobody is allowed to sit under the chimney waiting for Father Christmas, nor are we allowed to drink the brandy we leave for him and his little helpers

Selective deafness, selective blindness, reduced mental capacity!

It's not christmas yetIt’s the last week in November and it’s time to start practising selective blindness, selective deafness coupled with a dramatic reduction in cognitive skills.

  1. Selective blindness: when shopping you must ignore all signs, products and slogans which suggest that Christmas is coming.
  2. Selective deafness: tune out all songs, sounds and melodies which suggest that Father Christmas is as busy as beaver.
  3. Reduction in cognitive skills: respond to all gift or present requests with the following words: ‘’I’m sorry, what you are saying is not computing with my brain cells; please come back in 24 days!’’

Admittedly, the aforementioned skills are difficult to perfect, but if you try to keep your alcohol levels topped up, it’s much easier to achieve!

British People Plan: I’m already thinking about Christmas!

andalusiaI need your advice!

Much to the disgust of my mother who doesn’t understand why I don’t want to celebrate Christmas with my birth family in the UK, (perhaps the weather, the children and the endless washing up have something to do with it!), I”ve decided to stay in Málaga and persuaded some like-minded friends, including my elder sister, to spend Christmas with me. However, we are thinking about taking a road-trip and renting a self-catering cottage inland for three or four days  so we can do some adventure sport, play dominoes with old Spanish men, and perhaps do a lot of drinking and eating.  So, please help me; does anyone have any ideas about where we should go?

So far, the following places have been suggested:

  1. Grazalema
  2. Ronda
  3. Priego de Cordoba

What do you think?  Any suggestions?