April Fool: The smelly telly!

In 1964, the BBC said it had invented a method of transmitting different odors through TV screens. It said it was in the trial stages and wanted people to smell their TV screens while they watched different programmes. They then had to phone the BBC to say what they had smelled. Lots of people from all over the UK phoned the BBC and said they could smell roses, spinach, potatoes, fish, lamb chops, smashed potatoes with a hint of mint………… IT’S RIDICULOUS!!

How is it possible that a nation that invented the: magnifying glass, the adjustable spanner, Wallace and Gromit, the rubber band, Meccano, the vacuum cleaner and David Beckham, COULD BE THAT STUPID?!

OK, so I know that we also invented the Sinclair C5 (again, what were they thinking!?) A car with a maximum speed of 15 miles an hour, OMG, I can walk backwards faster than that, the only words that come to my mind are these: ”You are fired.”

April Fool: Spaghetti Trees!

In 1957 the BBC told the general public that spaghetti grew on trees.  The programme informed people that a deadly insect was killing the trees and that spaghetti in the future would be difficult to buy.    Lots of people phoned the BBC to ask where they could buy spaghetti trees from.

HELLO, COME ON – Are we really that stupid in the UK?  Well, the answer is YES – WE REALLY ARE THAT DUMB!

To take off

keep_calm_You can use the phrasal verb: to take off, when you remove clothes or when a plane departs the runway at an airport.

However, to take off, is also used to describe something that becomes successful or popular very quickly. For example, the British slogan: ‘Keep Calm and……… ( drink a mojito or eat a tapa or love Málaga , for example)……. has taken off in Málaga over the last few years.

50 things to do before you die: go scuba diving

scuba divingYes, yes and could I be anymore direct, yes!

It’s a fact that approximately 71% of the earth’s surface is ocean, so why not strap on an oxygen tank and get exploring a whole new universe? Speaking from experience, getting close and personal to the secrets of marine life is one of the most awe-inspiring things I have ever done. Furthermore, it seems to me that if learning how to scuba dive were a compulsory part of a nation’s curriculum, we would all develop a profounder respect for our planet and consequently reduce some of our environmental atrocities.

octopusHowever, if you are still not convinced; how about the idea of learning more effective communication, interpersonal and survival skills from our friendly fish, molluscs, water mammals and water life. For example, you can learn from an octopus how to have sex, how to murder your partner and then how to become a cannibal in less than 15 minutes. Seriously brilliant; imagine one of your one-night stands is going all wrong, no problem, you have the answer!

sea turtleOr, you can learn how to seduce someone you fancy by following the communication lines of a turtle; first start bobbing your head up and down, up and down, and if that doesn’t work, try and bite their leg. So, perhaps this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I must admit, it’s always worked for me.

Finally, if you’ve got some different reasons for going scuba diving, don’t be shy, let us know.

Social Events: Inglés Málaga Murder Mystery

CSI malagaOMG, there’s been a murder, but who did it?

What was the murder’s motive? Where is the evidence? Which witness is lying and who is telling the truth? How can you catch the criminal and make the evidence stick? Do you have the deductive powers and linguistic abilities to work out the clues and solve the mystery of who done it?

If you think you’ve got what it takes and you want to improve your English skills at the same time, then why not take part in the Inglés Málaga Crime Scene Investigation event ( CSI-Málaga)?

For further information and to apply to be a CSI-Málaga detective please contact Senior Chief CSI Detective Janette O’Carroll at:Janetteocarroll@gmail.com

Although you must be quick; it’s a race against time as the criminal is already getting away.

Social Events: Speed Dating with Inglés Málaga

SPEED DATING INGLES MALAGAIt has recently been suggested to me that life is a series of random moments and that for a variety of inexplicable reasons the sum of our existence only comes down to luck and chance. Indeed, the brilliant scientist, Stephen Hawking, said: “The universe is just a great casino, where dice are thrown, and roulette wheels spun”. Well, despite the fact that it might be fashionable to believe this, and I’m sure there is some element of truth to it, it seems to me that this is a very lazy and passive way to look at life. I say: ”NO; take control, ‘coge los cojones’ and be responsible for your own destiny”.

With both viewpoints in mind, let’s think about the popular and well-known social event, speed dating, whereby you have three minutes to ask a bunch of questions to a bunch of people so as to make a decision on whether you want to hook up with them again. Is this situation random? Is it the luck of the draw who you meet? Well, perhaps it is, but it isn’t down to luck who you take home.

box of chocolatesObviously, it goes without saying that you might end up with ‘dead wood’ if you ask any of the following questions:

  1. If you had to be an animal, would you be an ant or an anteater?
  2. Do you think it’s better to have two legs with four webbed feet, or to have four legs with two webbed feet?
  3. It is said that if you have a smart phone, then you are only as smart as your phone. Would you agree?
  4. According to the popular film character Forest Gump, ‘life is a like a box of chocolates’. So, are you a strawberry delight, or a chocolate toffee finger?

However, if, like me, you think that the three most important things in life are money, sex and power, it’s obvious that you only need to ask three questions to find your perfect match. So, in light of this, and being in charge of my life, if I went to a speed dating event, I would ask the following:

  1. How much do you earn?
  2. What is your shoe size?
  3. I know your name is Pepé de Ronda, but would you mind it if I called you George Clooney?

So, if you went speed dating, what three questions would you ask? And,  if you want to take part in an Inglés Málaga speed dating event, then email me for more information. Janette O’Carroll at:Janetteocarroll@gmail.com

And finally, last but not least, is life just a series of random events and moments, or, do you already know that you’re a coconut éclair?

Social Events: Wine Tasting

wine tastingIf you are keen on drinking wine, then I’m sure you have been to lots of wine tasting events. Indeed, this is one of the things I did to celebrate my last birthday at a relatively new vineyard in Ronda.
According to experts, you should do this: ‘See, Sniff, Sip, Summarise’. Unfortunately, as most of the wines were undrinkable, I did this: Sniff, Drink, Swallow, Spit, Wipe my tongue. Having said that, it was definitely worth the money as my mate, who could drink paint thinner if it were poured into a wine glass, drank full glasses of all the 9 varieties we tried.
So, if drinking wine is up your street, then if I were in your shoes, I would definitely go to one of these events as it’s a great way to meet new people, get to know about the process of wine making and laugh your pants off at the different reactions people have when they taste the same flavours. As I said, my face looked like I was sucking an acidic lemon for at least 2 hours, while my friend looked as if he was on cloud 9.
Finally, if you want to look like a pro when you’re tasting wine, watch this short video and improve your English at the same time.

Fried Breadcrumb Day: Dia de las Migas

migasOk, are you kidding me? Someone is seriously pulling my leg; Fried Breadcrumb Day; fried breadcrumb day; what’s all that about then?
Ok, let me think, the Germans have OctoberFest, when they drink as much beer as they can, dress up in costumes and say things like: ‘Hi my name is Wolfgang, fancy some bratwurst?’. On the other hand, we the reserved Brits, chase cheese rolling down a precipice and then spend the afternoon in Accident and Emergency!  So, admittedly, the above two events are a little bonkers, but Fried Breadcrumb Day; no, I’m sorry, that’s just ridiculous!