Ok, I get that ‘variety is the spice of life’ and I also know that companies who give their customers a bespoke and personalised service survive longer than those who use a ‘one size fits all’ model! However, when it takes 30 minutes to order a cup of coffee and your brain is fried trying to understand what the difference is between an espresso, a macchiato, a pour over, a blend, a flat white and a frappe-cappa-cristiano-ronaldo surely you have to think: ‘OMG, life is too short for all these choices!’
Despite being a caffeine addict, I have to say that modern-day coffee drinking culture is really getting on my nerves. Thankfully, I’ve worked out that my taste in coffee is a ‘macchiato’ but now I have to listen to this: ‘’ Would you like your macchiato with full-fat, semi-skimmed, fat-free milk from a cow or a goat or a sheep, or perhaps you are lactose intolerant?’’ And, if that wasn’t enough, I’m now being asked if I want a picture of a dove, a flower, a heart or a giraffe on the top of my coffee. Seriously, I want to drink it, not decorate my flat with it.
No, no and absolutely no! I’ve finally ‘lost the will to live’ and I’m changing my drinking habits. It seems to me that ordering a yummy vodka tonic takes less time and it gives you the same ‘hit’ as a coffee. So from now on, I’m saying no to coffee and yes to vodka!