How not to catch a cold.

Headache, runny nose, temperature

A recent medical research study reported that:

 Doing regular exercise, eating fruit, avoiding stress and having a wife, girlfriend or mother to look after you seemed to reduce the frequency of colds.

I have one response, 1 question and 1 clarification to make:

  • Response: No……Really!!
  • Question: Did the researchers get paid for this revolutionary finding?
  • Clarification: I ‘made up’ the part about the wife, girlfriend or mother.

Well, although I’m sure the researchers know what they are talking about, I have some recommendations of my own.

Dr.  Janette’s tips for avoiding catching a cold:

  1. Don’t get up – EVER.
  2. Don’t go to a doctor’s surgery – ill people go there.
  3. Don’t ‘google’ your symptoms; you will definitely have some strange, unpronounceable, tropical disease.  Failing that, there will be nothing wrong with you and you will feel disappointed.
  4. Take a lot, A LOT OF paracetamol.  If you have ‘run out of’ paracetamol and don’t want to leave your bed,  I have noticed that a HUGE slice of chocolate cake is a good substitute.
  5. Drink hot whiskey.  Now, be very careful, if you drink boiling whiskey, you will burn your tongue. In addition, you will ruin the flavour and be ‘throwing money down the toilet’.
  6. Recite I will not catch a cold at least 50 times a day.  If you can do this to some disco tunes, the effect will be stronger.  Your immune system will be invincible!!  Slow rock ballads and flamenco don’t work!
  7. Make friends with doctors and nurses

 NB: LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Obviously I’m not a qualified doctor so please exercise your own judgement when measuring the amount of whiskey you are drinking, or when turning up your disco tunes.  Amazingly, another research study I recently read suggested that listening to loud music can damage your hearing.   Gosh, these researchers are very clever!!

If you are interested in reading the full study then click here:

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